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Jimmy Kimmel marked the exact midpoint of President Trump’s term on Monday with a special, satirical edition of his show, “Intermission Accomplished: A Halftime Tribute to Trump.”
“We are here tonight to celebrate the midway mark of Donald Trump’s first term in office,” Kimmel said. “Because, let’s be honest, this is a man who is far too humble to celebrate himself.”
He proceeded to rattle off a series of “accomplishments” that he said Trump had achieved in his first 730 days in office.
“Quick question for those of you here in our studio audience: Did any of you get attacked by an MS-13 caravan on your way here to the show tonight? No? And guess why — because of Donald Jennifer Trump. This man knows how to get things done.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“The news media says Donald Trump hasn’t achieved anything, and that is just plain wrong. And I can prove that it’s wrong with three words: the Space Force. That’s right, the U.S. Space Force. I have no idea what it is, but I love it. And that’s not all he’s done. The list of his accomplishments are endless. More than 6,000 tweets in office — at least half of those with no misspellings at all! More than 100 days on the golf course. Keeping tabs on the environment. And let’s not forget the election itself. Donald Trump got 62 million votes! Second-most of any presidential candidate in 2016.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Vice President Mike Pence quoted from the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in a TV interview on Sunday as he argued for Mr. Trump’s proposed border wall. Pence used a King quote that, he said, advocated driving change through the legislative process: “Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy.”
Stephen Colbert seemed O.K. with the quote, but he said it might backfire to mention King and Trump in the same breath.
“Mike, are you sure you want us to judge Trump on the content of his character? He puts a lot of effort into the color of his skin. Whatever that really is.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Seth Meyers noted that Trump and Pence made an unannounced visit to the national King memorial in Washington in observation of the holiday on Monday, but that they spent only two minutes there.
“According to the White House press pool, President Trump spent approximately two minutes at the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial today before returning to the White House. And it’s not a good look when you give Martin Luther King the same amount of time you gave Stormy Daniels.” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (Day 31 Edition)
“You gotta be careful out there. If you start feeling symptoms of confusion or memory loss, you’re either suffering from hypothermia or you’re Rudy Giuliani.” — JIMMY FALLON, commenting on the winter storm that hit New York City over the weekend
“Today is Day 31 of the government shutdown. Now that the shutdown is over 30, Democrats are hoping Trump will start to lose interest.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Speaker Pelosi rejected the deal before the president even announced it. She said no before Trump even asked — a move known in Washington as ‘the Melania.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT, discussing the proposed border wall
The Bits Worth Watching
Seth Meyers examined the state of the shutdown negotiations.
Fred Trump’s ghost came back to visit Kimmel, and to bemoan his son’s presidency.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Conan O’Brien returns from a monthslong hiatus on Tuesday, with a shorter, reformatted version of his show. The Times Late-Night Comedy Committee will be right here to tell you about it on Wednesday morning.