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Democrats in the House this week began a series of investigations into President Trump’s past conduct and finances, even as Trump urged them in his State of the Union address to stop investigating him. On Thursday, the president said on Twitter that the investigations planned by various House committees constituted “Unlimited Presidential Harassment.”
Stephen Colbert ridiculed the term, which the president has also used in speeches.
“Yes, presidential harassment — it’s like sexual harassment, only Republicans take it seriously.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Trump and Speaker Nancy Pelosi have already developed an acrimonious working relationship, just one month into her term. Both attended the National Prayer Breakfast on Thursday, and Jimmy Fallon figured it probably got awkward.
“House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was also at the prayer breakfast. Both Trump and Pelosi walked in the room and prayed they wouldn’t be seated next to each other.” — JIMMY FALLON
With the political scandal in Virginia worsening and various Democratic presidential hopefuls apologizing for past mistakes, Conan O’Brien decided to get in on the confessional action.
“Did you notice that everyone right now in public life is apologizing? Pretty much 24/7, right? The governor of Virginia apologizing, the attorney general of Virginia apologizing, actors apologizing. Everyone’s coming out and apologizing, and I thought I should start tonight’s show by just coming clean. They’ve dug up some embarrassing footage of me. It’s every episode of my show over the last 25 years. I just want to say, I’m sorry.” — CONAN O’BRIEN
Trevor Noah talked about Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s push for a sweeping tax increase on the wealthiest Americans. Opponents are calling her ideas extreme, but Ocasio-Cortez’s proposal has broad public support, according to some polls.
“The truth is, 76 percent of Americans supporting the raising of taxes means it’s not that fringe. That’s a really impressive number, because usually the only thing 76 percent of Americans agree on is that extra guac should be free. And it should be — guacamole is a human right!” — TREVOR NOAH, citing a Morning Consult/Politico poll
The Punchiest Punchlines (Octopus Edition)
“A motorist in the U.K. was arrested yesterday after he crashed his car while swerving to avoid hitting an octopus he claimed to have seen in the road. Officials became suspicious when they couldn’t find any squid-marks.” — SETH MEYERS
“Taco Bell just announced that delivery is now available nationwide. Taco Bell made the decision after stoners kept getting lost at the drive-through.” — JIMMY FALLON
“It’s February, which, as anyone in Virginia can tell you, is Blackface History Month.” — TREVOR NOAH
The Bits Worth Watching
Nick Kroll has an animated Netflix series, “Big Mouth,” about going through puberty, but he probably shouldn’t actually teach sex education to high schoolers. Here was his advice on contraception: “What you want to do when you have a condom is get two men — comedians — to help you put it on.”