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Off the Map
In a series of tweets Wednesday and Thursday, President Trump doubled down on his insistence that Alabama could have been affected by Hurricane Dorian.
In one tweet on Wednesday, Mr. Trump shared a map that included Alabama in the storm’s potential path while saying he would accept apologies from “the fake news.”
“Pump your breaks there, Al Roker. No one’s apologizing because that map doesn’t prove anything. First of all, it’s not from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, it’s from the South Florida Water Management District. That’s like getting your M.R.I. at Glamour Shots.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Plus, right at the bottom of the map it says, ‘National Hurricane Center advisories and county emergency management statements supersede this product. If anything on this graphic causes confusion, ignore the entire product.’ Strong stuff. Strong statements. Strong statement. Though, I got to say, ‘entire product’ is a very disrespectful way to describe the president of the United States.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The world’s most precious forest is on fire. Brazil’s leaders aren’t doing enough to stop it and its president might even want this to happen. So I’m gonna be honest, folks; it seems like there’s only one man who can stop this: Donald J. Trump. You see, what we need to do is — we need to get the president to pull out that magic Sharpie of his, and we need to get him to send that hurricane down from Alabama all the way to Brazil to fan out the flames. Come on, Mr. Trump, use your power for good! Do it now, Donald! Do it now!” — TREVOR NOAH
The Punchiest Punchlines (Sweet Home Edition)
“The storm surge has come ashore in the country he governs. Hundreds of thousands of people without power. What’s he going to be like when he visits victims of the storm? [as Trump] ‘So sad to see the damage here in South Carolina, or as many call it, east Alabama.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“According to reports, Florida’s population is expected to increase by six million people by 2030 — probably from all those people moving out of Alabama to escape the hurricane.” — SETH MEYERS
“How lovely — he’s comforting imaginary victims of a disaster that never happened. [as Trump] ‘I, for one, stand with all victims of the kaiser’s assault on Narnia. The fake news never talks about all the zeppelins he didn’t send to kill poor Mr. Tumnus.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
The British late-night talk show host Graham Norton explains how America inspired Brexit and the election of the British prime minister, Boris Johnson, while on “The Late Show.”